dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
