My cat gives me a boner
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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