UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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