The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
