you're like a bully in the Christmas story
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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