she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
