is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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