I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
