i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
