You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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