You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
