get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
