She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
