if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
nutella sex= disaster
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
