After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
