with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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