I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize