i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
