If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
