Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize