I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
there is glitter all over my balls
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
