I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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