Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
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Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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