I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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