.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
