Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
