there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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