Moan for me like Helen Keller
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
