The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We left an ass print on the piano.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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