take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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