Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
my being single is dangerous.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My liver just had a heart attack.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
how drunk are you?
Several
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
