You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
