I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
