You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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