I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
