No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
