I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have fence marks all over my body
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
