I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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