Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
