Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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