i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
