How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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