In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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