he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's blow job season.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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