I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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