So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
