I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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