I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
