I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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