she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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