just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
