I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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