I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
