take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
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The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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