So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize