There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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