shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
