Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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