I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
