I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
