So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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