dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
