If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
