1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
