At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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