today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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