Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
