Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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