pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
