Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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