Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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