he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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