I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
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Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
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Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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