8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
