Are we in a gay sports bar?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
