I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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