Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
